If I Was In Love

“If I was in love… I might just keep it to my damn self.”

If I was in love…I would feel this way. I would feel exactly like this….when she’s away; with distant memories haunting me of what used to be. As if it was a sick joke from the heavens above of what could or could’ve been. Like being touched by an angel and never being touched the same way again. And having to live knowing nothing you feel would ever match the intense moments of bliss. Damn if I was in love it would hurt like hell. And sometimes I would drink. I would pour my soul into a bottle to refill the anguish of having loved and lost. I would dance alone and reminisce on past moments wondering if they were actually my present.

If I was in love I would be tormented by being left this vulnerable; being jealous of stupid things. Like seeing guys that I think she might be interested in and hating them instantly. Saying, “Always trying to like this pic or that one.” And, “Keep your comments to yourself. With his no neck, Terry Crews lookin….No one wants to hear you sing lullaby’s anyway. Real lovers spit poems.” And I would hate his guts. And I would hate feeling this way about a stranger.

If I was in love…I would be purple in the face. Because love would be in the air and I would have to hold my breath. To not be engulfed with such a sad sickness.  

If I was in love I would be down on my knees praying, “If only I could love you, if only you could love me, if only I hated loving you, if only I loved loving you, if only we were in love, if only….” (*snap)

If I was in love I would feel miserable; because when left alone I would be powerless. Even if everyone else knew me to be strong, I would feel as if the void left in your absence was filled with kryptonite. If I was in love…

I would feel powerful; because our strengths would be intertwined in interdependence. And we would be unstoppable. We would have the kind of power that can stop the world; pause time; profoundly poetic and immeasurable. If I was in love…

I would remember that this feeling comes maybe once or twice in a lifetime and destiny is a matter of choice and not chance. I would know that your beauty is way more than skin deep. I would say things like “OuuCha and OuuNa” just because I liked the way they rolled off my tongue. I would scream it to the heavens! If I was in love…

I would marry you, you’re heart and your soul; writing vows to each to seal our covenant eternally. We would have kids; 2-4 of them. And I would pray to god to not have more than one girl. For fear that I might be taken out of your arms one day; for taking off my belt to some ashy knucklehead trying to be slick. If I was in love…

And you asked me to kiss you I wouldn't hesitate to. If you told me to love you unconditionally I would. If you begged me for my heart it would be yours. If you cried to share my soul I would get down on my knees. Because for once in my life I can touch what my heart used to dream of.  If I was in love…

I would feel…just like this. If I was in love…

I wouldn’t trade this feeling for the world. Because the greatest thing I’ve learned is to love and be loved...even if for but a moment. If I was in love….

It would be with you. If….I was in love.

-Moises L.Seraphin